you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
