My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize