i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
