it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
