my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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