i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm getting married
To pizza
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
