sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My ATM looks so different sober.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
