When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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