WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
