Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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