I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
