I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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