she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
