Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I can't put those talents on a resume
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
