somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
