You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
