yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
