I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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