You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
