What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
