you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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