Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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