i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
