I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
