mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
