sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
