watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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