i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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