If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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