she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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