Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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