U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
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He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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