so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
