Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
