There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
