Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
