i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I came so hard my ears popped.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
