ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
