I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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