I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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