life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
