he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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