last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
