I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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