i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
