hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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