I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
