I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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