so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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