i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
