Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
