Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
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We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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