Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
