I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
