hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
