That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
