You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
