i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
