Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize