When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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