I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
