i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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