wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I need to stop coming to work sober
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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