He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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