Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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