I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
