my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you would pick up someone in the library
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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