I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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