I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
