D3 body, D1 cock
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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