Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
