Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
