Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
