He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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