its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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